You know what I hate? that a month ago I was craving her and missing her so much, and now, now I don't even want to go home.

Hurts. Though I don't know what exactly, that we're loosing it (letting it loose maybe), or that it changed.

Angry, defeated?

I'm not so gloomy as before, now not so sure about my previous post.

But I am angry. And sad. After the darkness (because honestly that's what it is, I can't think rationally, and my brain goes into a standstill), comes some clarity I guess.

I think our dynamic shift last week, her mood swings, her intolerance; it represents her sudden grasp for control. I thought the control was about herself, her instability... but now I'm not so sure either. She's starting to control me, and by doing so, she's pushing me away.

Suddenly, I went from being accepted, to manipulated. I have no room to be me, I'm being given boundaries and lines and regulations. No room to move, no room for negotiation.

What tha fuck happened?

Did I make a mistake?

I don't know if moving in together was such a good idea. Her mood changes are difficult to follow. Her constant intolerance and elitism are unbearable. I feel like a child living in that apartment. And then she asks me why I'm distant and not that excited. My reassurances are starting to feel hollow and not real. The smiling is getting tiring. I want to just tell her to grow up, but I'll make things worse.

I keep keeping my hopes up, and keeping the mood positive. Trying to make her believe we can make us work. We're not perfectly made for each other, and it'll take work, and that is okay. But after repeating that so many times its loosing its meaning.

Is this temporary? Is it the result of the incredibly stressful week we had, or did I make a mistake?